Why is it always such a big deal when people meet female travellers? Anywhere I go number one question people ask whether I am not afraid. Afterwards, they follow up their question with a deeply thought through statement: ”It is dangerous for a woman to travel alone”. This statement is so genius that it always reminds me an equally genius film by Tommy Wiseau ”The Room”.
This scene is always on my mind when I hear it, because everybody is such an expert.
As a consequence of the trend word SOLO hurts my brain regardless of the context.
The internet is full of posts and content on ”Solo Female Travellers”. There seems to be always a dire need to accentuate that the person is doing it alone. If you are an English-speaker, you must know that word traveller in itself entails one entity. When you say: ”I am a traveller” it implies that you are talking about just yourself.
The fact that people have need to underline that they are doing something solo only exposes their weaknesses and insecurities.
People believe in great many socially accepted conventions, such as the aforementioned ”the world is dangerous for female travellers”. Has it ever occurred to you that this idea could be flawed, or simply false?
What if I tell you that it is absolutely invalid? That female traveller can travel alone reasonably safely, just as men would?
In this article I would like to break down and analyse these socially approved ideas and try to expose their harmful impact. I will also attempt to present possible solutions to many of these problems.
- Dangers that female travellers are told about are one big pile of bullshit
- The stories I have heard from/about other female travellers
- My experience as a female traveller in a nutshell
- Female travellers VS male travellers
- Strangers are less dangerous for us than the people we know
- Feminism is a pestilence: Harms of victim culture
- For female travellers understanding men’s mind is imperative
- What it truly means to be a woman (in the modern world)
Dangers that female travellers are told about are one big pile of bullshit
This popular belief concerns not just travelling alone, but overall, living in this men’s world. The reason why I call it a big pile of bullshit is because over years I have observed a certain behavioural pattern within the society. People tend to repeat some ideas and phrases without questioning their validity. As a consequence, these ideas turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy and keep reaffirming themselves.
When people ask me ”Has anything dangerous (or bad) ever happened to you?”, I always respond with a question ”What do you mean by dangerous (or bad)?” I ask this question, because I would like to understand what they imagine could possibly happen.
Generally they give me similar answers. Number one concern is woman being raped, or sexually abused in some milder way; being scammed somehow; robbed; driven into a forest, and so on. All I can say, the world is a treacherous place and it can break you in ways you were unable to imagine. But the aforementioned examples are not the ones to be so obsessed about.
When I was getting my Afghan visa a man in the consulate was shocked to hear that I was going to travel alone in Afghanistan.
You can’t be there alone, – he exclaimed. You need a man!
What could possibly happen to me? – I asked.
What will you do if you are hungry, or thirsty, or need new clothes?! – was his response.
If we agree, against popular Afghan belief, that a woman is capable of getting food, water and clothes on her own, can’t we also concede that she can ensure her own safety in any situation imaginable?
I do not claim that terrible things do not happen to women all around the world, but it is important to stick it in your head that we are responsible for anything that happens to us. That applies to anyone without an exception. But it is particularly true in case of Western women.
The question that you should ask is not how safe or dangerous a particular place is, but whether it is within your capacity to handle what is to come.
When I had to travel through Turkey by myself for the first time, my legs were shaking. I was looking around all the time and was concerned over any glance that a man would give me. But just about a few months later I went on a trip in Iran and Afghanistan on my own. Because after having travelled through Turkey and Albania (before Turkey) – the countries that can be sketchy for female travellers, I was more confident in my abilities to handle Iran and Afghanistan.
To me Afghanistan was the ultimate country where I was afraid of going to. And this is exactly why I went. I was tensed up, alarmed and stressed all the time that I was there. But, ultimately, nothing happened to me. (On a sidenote, I did not hitchhike or look for hospitality in Afghanistan. I thought that there was a great likelihood I would get into trouble for that, so I travelled like a true tourist).
The stories I have heard from/about other female travellers
Before I talk any further, I would like to point out that I do not live in a fantasy world where everything is wonderful and mutual-respect and consideration for others are cornerstones of the society. I very well recognise potential risks that a female traveller has to take in order to travel successfully.
But the way I think about these matters is qualitatively different from the common ways. Therefore, I believe that it becomes less and less likely that the following situations could ever happen to me.
Two young women were raped and killed in Ecuador
My hosts in Ecuador told me this story. These girls were from Argentina and were on their vacation trip in Ecuador. Somebody robbed them at the hostel where they were staying. They reached out to their relatives, asking to send them money. But it was late in the evening and they would receive their money the next day at best.
While outside, they met two guys with whom they sat down and had a few drinks. These true gentlemen offered them a place to stay for the night, and the girls accepted.
After arriving into the apartment, guys began doing what guys always do – trying to get laid. The girls would not have it. No idea how the situation escalated, but it ended in girls being raped and killed.
A young Russian woman was beaten and robbed on a train station
I met this woman on a train from Vladivostok to Moscow. She was the kind of a person who would tell you story of their life in a few minutes after the exposure. She had experienced quite a bit of violence and brutality in life. It did not surprise me much, however. She was the kind of a person who could easily make enemies.
This story happened to her when she was travelling to Novosibirks. She happened to have a lot of cash with her. I do not recall the entire story in great detail, but somehow people from the point of her departure informed other people in Novosibirsk that she was arriving with a stack of cash.
Upon the arrival they met and isolated her, beat her up and took all her money.
Things did not go her way when she tried hitchhiking either. First, a man invited her to have a meal together. She refused. He insisted, and she decided to accept. After the meal he wanted her to ”thank him” in a particular way.
A French young woman was almost raped in Turkey
This young woman was my host. In year 2017 she was travelling through Turkey together with her partner. On their journey they met a young Turkish man who invited them to his place for the night. They accepted the offer.
That evening they partied, drank alcohol and enjoyed themselves. When they were drunk enough the Turkish man made a pass at her. Her partner by then was too drunk to realise what was happening.
She did not tell me the entire story clearly enough, for she was still very emotional about it. All she told me that she had to run away from that guy in the middle of the night, because he was going to rape her.
The person I once knew was killed by her ex-husband
We both were 12 years-old when we met. I was still playing with dolls at that age, but she had already learnt of the benefits in dating boys, as they would often buy her an ice-cream.
At the age of 15 she married a 20 year-old guy. A year later they got a daughter. About 5 years later they divorced, but kept in touch because of the girl.
One evening, about 6 years after the divorce, he came to her house to talk and they left together. She never came back home. Her daughter informed the grandmother about what happened. Police got involved.
They found her body a couple days later in a ditch. Her ex-husband strangled her to death.
My experience as a female traveller in a nutshell
In one of my earlier posts I have said the following: ”Hard cocks are my everyday reality”. In a very superficial way this statement does describe my experiences as a female traveller. I receive verbal or non-verbal cues about man wanting to have a sexual encounter with me several times a day.
Not so long ago a young Swedish man told me that the way I lead my life is what makes me particularly appealing in the eyes of men. He added that if I was leading a normal life and worked as a barista, for example, the mysterious charm that I have in the eyes of men would not be there.
I totally agree with his assessment. It is not as much about the looks, but the setting in which men meet me. I always appear almost out of nowhere in their lives, and I rarely stay; I am very close, yet so far; they can have me, but they can’t really; they can have some experiences with me, but it will not be enough.
From here on it should be easier to imagine the general characteristics of my journey. (Such could be an experience of most female travellers)
For the most part, men that I meet more often than not grow emotionally invested in me. Most of them do all they can to assist me in some way – be it a longer ride that is out of their way; paid accommodation for me; food; money. On occasions if I need something very specific, some of them try to accommodate that as well.
I have had my share of unwanted touches and requests of sexual nature. But not a single man that I have met during my journey tried to harm me. On the contrary, a few of them have openly stated that they experienced a need to protect me.
The occasions when men touched me against my wish are abundant; every other man in Iran would beg me for sex. Overall, when I came back to Europe from my trip in Asia, I understood – that trip traumatised me. For example, I observed my reactions and, say, if I know that a man fancies me, even if our skin touched by accident, I sometimes feel emotionally triggered and have a need to move away from him.
But I would never allow these instances to stop me from travelling or prevent me from enjoying men’s presence.
Female travellers VS male travellers
My recent experience in Dagestan is a perfect example of how journeys of female travellers can be. I was heading to the town located between Makhachkala (capital of Dagestan) and Grozny (capital of Chechnya), Russia. It was 8 p.m. in the evening and I was still 35-45 kilometres away from it.
I walked towards the part of the road where the railroad tracks crossed it. The road was mildly lit, but at least drivers would pass slower and be able to see me. To my fortune, the train was passing and the cars were lined up in front of the boom gate. I approached one of them and asked the man for a lift. He agreed.
On our way to the town, he asked me number of standard questions. He joked, saying that he doubted that at that hour people would expect me with open arms. I said that it was perfectly alright, but I was feeling quite anxious about the upcoming process of looking for a place to stay.
When we arrived he said that he could not just leave me like this. That he would be thinking about me all night, wondering how I was. So, he offered to put me up at a hotel. I accepted; it was a pleasant relief.
He drove me to the hotel, paid for my room and breakfast, gave me a pack of cooking, some chocolate, orange juice and left.
Men Travelling Alone
Earlier that day an older woman gave me a ride. She specifically noted that she stopped only because I am a woman and that she never stops for men.
Even it is -30 degrees outside I will not stop for a man. If he chooses to be outside in such weather, let him suffer.
Such is an unspoken understanding of many people. A man can and should suffer; a woman is a delicate fragile flower and she needs appropriate treatment. Although, there is some truth to this statement, it is a highly questionable thought.
If a man must be held accountable for his choices, why a woman must not be, too?
In October 2022 I and my male friend competed in a race to the North Cape from the south of Norway. The conditions were simple – we could only hitchhike. I won the race by two full days. Not only I won, for two weeks in a row I did not even have to look for a place to stay. People always invited me. Some of them asked me not to go and stay longer; some drove me around, showed me places, and gave me money.
It was a jolly good time for me.
As for my friend, not only he needed two more days to cover same distance as me, he was twice on the verge of staying outside in October inside the Arctic Circle.
Strangers are less dangerous for us than the people we know
Did you know that statistically a close person is likelier to harm you than a stranger? Data indicates that 74% of violent and non-violent crimes occur between individuals who knew each other; in eight out of ten cases it is a close person who sexually assaults its victim.
In case you are interested in further elaboration this post may be for you.
And I would rather focus on the reasoning behind such statistics.
Take the story about strangled young woman I mentioned above. When relationship lasts for many years misunderstandings and numerous problems pile up. We must recognise that when we are in relationship each and one of us brings in our own luggage of individual flaws and problems. It does not mean that we should start killing each other, but if we fail to recognise these issues and find solutions, we might face extreme outcomes.
With strangers the picture is quite different. One must try really hard to make a relative stranger want to strangle him/her. Apart from rare cases, such as Ted Bundy or Jack the Ripper, people do not walk around looking for a victim. If anything, stranger is just as much cautious (or afraid) around you as you might be around him/her.
Have you ever committed even a mild crime? Say, shoplifting. It is not easy to do anything that society considers as unacceptable or illegal. So, unless the person is mentally prepared to commit a crime, they won’t dare to do anything. And when the person is prepared, you can learn to read those expressions and get away from these people on time.
In a foreign country things mostly happen to people when they are walking with a neon sign above their heads that says ”I AM A STUPID TOURIST”.
There are always the types of tourist who are always clueless about their whereabouts; immediate surroundings; where their hotel is located; which part of town they are in. So, the locals see a good opportunity exploit them.
When I was in Vietnam for the first time I heard about local scam that was going on in larger cities. A woman carrying baskets would approach and ask you whether you would like to take a picture. Most people find the offer irresistible. Once they take the picture together, woman asks them to pay money. Some dumbstruck people pay.
In Cambodia and Laos locals commit opportunistic crimes. Simply put, if you give them a reason to steal your bag or your phone they will do it. If not, no one is going to touch you.
So, when surrounded by strangers a lot heavily depends on one’s ability to detect any potential trouble and take appropriate measures. It concerns more serious offense, such as being raped, just as much as smaller occasions, such as being robbed.
Feminism is a pestilence: Harms of victim culture
Think of all the popular movements: Black Lives Matter, Me Too, and Feminism. All these movements and many more have one thing in common – they are driven by the victims. The society has wronged them in some way and now this minority group is protesting the injustice.
In an immaculate society human beings treat each other with decency; society evaluates person based on his or her individual qualities and abilities; the governments do not try to retard intellectual development of their citizens and control them; everyone gets at least food and shelter no matter what their status is; no one dies because of passionate believes of some fanatics, and so on.
When these injustices outrage a person, and the person begins to point fingers at someone else, this screams two things:
- They have limited understanding on the matter, hence the emotions.
- They refuse (consciously or unconsciously) to take responsibility for themselves.
It does not take a genius to recognise that none of these states of mind are optimal.
There are endless stories about women feeling indignant, scared or traumatised because a man stared at them a little longer, touched them, or offered to go to the bathroom together.
Women have never been as informed, knowledgeable and capable as they are in this day and age. Paradoxically they seem to be so inept and incapable of navigating these fairly simple situations.
Feminist ideas serve as a distraction. Instead of thinking inwards: how to improve one’s own conduct; how to tackle the issue; be less dependent on another man’s protection; how to become not a very easy prey in the eyes of men, and so on – women think about how disgusting men can be.
If you think that men are disgusting so are your father, your brother, your son, uncle, nephew, and grandson. Are they?
I think what modern women lack is assertiveness and greater understanding of what they want.
If a man senses that you are a woman who knows what she wants; if you shut him out firmly, showing that you are unwilling to back down – he won’t dare to push any further.
Because then it will be you who is intimidating. He will understand that you are not an easy target for him, and he will look for one somewhere else. (This explanation works only assuming that a man has better developed intellectual faculties)
Also, women have never been as accessible to men as they are since the Sexual Revolution. Women are walking in the streets alone; live alone; work; travel alone; frequent bars and clubs. Logically, more crimes could be committed against women.
With these newly acquired freedoms, women had to begin to acquire more in-depth understanding of what it means to be a woman. We must have lost something in translation, because modern women seem to have a very poor understanding of it.
If you wish to feel safe anywhere you go, get the feminist crap out of your head.
I had a rather typical conversation in the north of Norway one summer. A young girl picked me up and offered to stay for dinner with her family. After dinner we sat on the sofa and were chatting.
They were discussing something about men and women. At first, I was only listening. In fact, I consciously thought to myself that I shall keep my mouth shut, because I knew if I only gave her a hint of what my thoughts on the matter were, it would turn into a long painful discussion.
Still, I was stupid enough to make a mild comment on something that she said. As I correctly predicted, she grew instantly emotional and proceeded to attack my statement.
She told me a curious story.
She was home alone. Her partner with whom she shared home was away. She went upstairs to change clothes. When she took her t-shirt off, she noticed in the window: ”Some strange, creepy man was looking at me”. She said that she felt scared and unsafe. If her partner was at home she would feel much better. So, she could not wait for him to come back.
The point of the story was that women are incredibly suppressed by men and that it is not easy to be a woman.
Khem, khem… Equality?
First of all, the man could be just passing by and by chance looked up and saw her exactly in the moment when she noticed him.
Second, can you think of a man noticing a stranger woman looking at him from the street while he is changing clothes, and thinking ”I wish my girlfriend was here, I am so afraid”?
Third, if one feels unsafe and scared in one’s own home in such a simple and reasonably harmless situation… Well, my condolences.
If you think like a victim, you will be one, regardless of what happens.
So, in this story if we were to assume that he was just a passer-by who noticed her by chance, all her stress and anxiety was for nothing. In her own little world she was (or could be) a victim of this man.
In such situations the objective reality does not matter. What matters is your perception of it.
For female travellers understanding man’s mind is imperative
This topic requires the whole another article dedicated to it, but it is necessary to mention it in this one. It is of utmost importance for a woman to begin to understand how men’s minds work.
With deeper understanding on the matter will also come an understanding of what the objective reality is. Not only will it save you from unnecessary stress and anxiety. It will also help you navigate real dangerous situations in which your life and well-being are at stake.
It is particularly important for female travellers. I sometimes forget how different my reality is from the reality of the others. Probably, in understanding of many modern people I have been a victim of sexual assault way too many times. I would not agree with that. I just read people, especially men, well enough and I see their intentions. If I evaluate the situation and come to a conclusion that the man is not harmful, him saying ”please, have sex with me” does not affect me in the same grave way as it does in case of many women.
In short, I allow men to think of me all they wish and take advantage of the benefits that come with being a woman.
What it truly means to be a woman (in the modern world)
If someone asked me what it means to be a woman in one word, I would say, opportunities.
The life of any woman by default is full of opportunities men could only dream of. It is particularly true in the Western world, where ideas and behaviours of people have changed drastically in a matter of a century.
Modern women are really having the best time women ever did.
Men’s perception of us has significantly improved since middle ages – 20th century, but their relentless adoration of our sex will always remain the same.
Based on my own personal experience I can say that lives of female travellers can be full of opportunities.
It is particularly true in a case of a female traveller, because you get to know a lot of people, build connections. I get various offers from different people most of the time. I have not paid close attention to this idea, but in the moments of need some, finding opportunities was fairly straightforward.
For example, I needed to accumulate a certain amount of money for the trip that ultimately never happened. I travelled to the Faroe Islands and within a matter of several days I found a few job opportunities. And, ultimately, a guest house owner offered me to work for him. So, I stayed there for about month and a half and made a substantial amount.
All it takes is creative thought and willingness to work around the undesired side-effects of being a woman.